Read these quips and move on

• Venison for dinner again? Oh, deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can
stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but
I'd never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job
because she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro - what a rip off!

• Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last.

A few Saturday morning chuckles

Â

  

  

  

 

This could be the best minute & four seconds of your day

Don't be that 1 sucker out of every 5 targets

Here is a paragraph from a site dedicated to helping people steer clear of con men. I had assumed that 1 person out of a hundred might get taken, but they say "up to 20%."

"The advent of digital communication has given con artists a whole new way to prey upon the public, and one of their favorite new scams is phishing, a malicious form of computer fraud conducted for the purposes of information or identity theft. Phishing uses e-mail messages that claim to come from legitimate organizations, such as online banks, social networking sites, auction sites or IT administrators, and asks users to provide sensitive information, including passwords, usernames and account details. Because these messages look authentic, up to 20% of all recipients respond to them, resulting in identity theft and dire financial losses. Phishing is a particularly effective low-risk scam because it allows con artists to connect with millions of potential victims at a time while maintaining a high level of anonymity."

A collection of simple thoughts you have probably already seen here and there...

There are none so blind as those who refuse to see.
**************************
Not one politician has died from the virus, lost their job, or had
their business looted.
Or, missed a haircut. Or wears a mask unless on camera. Y'all know
you're being played right?
**************************
Remember how we panicked when we couldn't find any toilet paper? What
are we going to do when we can't find a cop?
**************************
NYC just defunded the very people that ran into the burning Towers on 9/11.
Think about it!!!!
**************************
If we all started wearing masks with "Trump 2020" on them, how long
before experts decided we don't need them anymore?
**************************
Pretty wild how we used to eat cake after someone had blown on it……..
Good Times!……………..
**************************
For the first time in American History, American History is no longer
allowed in America.
**************************
I don't want to know "Why mobs are tearing down America's monuments."
I would rather know, "Why are we letting them?"
**************************
Watching our country being destroyed by our own people is the worst
thing I've ever seen.
**************************
DEFUND THE NFL
Don't watch. Don't go. Don't buy. Don't discuss. It's Not About
Football Anymore.
************************
Nothing says "unity" like playing a separate National Anthem for black
people and white people at NFL games.
**************************
If you still think that this is about Democrats vs Republicans... It's Not
The battle is….Progressive Socialism vs The Republic of the United
States of America.
**************************
If black lives really mattered; they'd be tearing down crack houses
instead of statues.
**************************
Time for real Americans to take a stand. I refuse to support NFL, NBA
or any organization that removes the National Anthem.
**************************
Liberal Privilege
1. Believing you have the right to control other people's lives.
2. Believing you have the right to never hear other opinions.
3. Believing that when you're offended others have to care.
4. Believing that there are two sets of rules: One for you and one
for everyone else.
**************************
If masks work why didn't we just give masks to prisoners instead of
releasing them?
*************************
Oprah's special begins with, "What you WHITE people need to understand…"
Now reverse the COLOR…sound Racist? IT IS…
**************************

I was undecided, but this person calmly advised me what to do

https://trendingviews.co/video/screaming-woman-says-she-s-terrified-because-of-republicans-we-re-losing-our-democracy-13998.html

Good ending

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party.  

As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.   He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean.

So is the rest of the house.    He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
 
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:   "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!
 
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.    His 16-year-old son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "Son...   what happened last night?"
 
"Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you got that black eye when you ran into the door. "

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean?    I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
 
His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed ...
 
"Leave me alone, I'm  married!!"

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. .  PRICELESS