Thursday, November 5, 2020

English is a wonderful language, but beware dual meanings

An invisible man married an invisible woman. Their kids were nothing to look at either.

I didn't think the chiropractor could improve my posture, but I stand corrected.

On our first date I took my new girlfriend to the ice rink matinee because the entry was half price. She called me a cheap skate.

Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them. It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.

I used to date a one-legged girl who worked at a brewery. She was in charge of the hops.

My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. I found out she was seeing someone on the side.

My wife claims I'm the cheapest person she's ever met. I'm not buying it.

Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16? The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.

I told my carpenter I didn't want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.

What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?
Suture self.

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