Peculiar sayings

◾I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
 
◾England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
 
◾Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
 
◾This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.
 
◾I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
 
◾A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
 
◾When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
 
◾I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.
 
◾A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
 
◾A will is a dead giveaway.
 
◾With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
 
◾Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
◾Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.
 
◾A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
 
◾The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
 
◾He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.
 
◾When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.
 
◾Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
 
◾I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
 
◾Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
 
◾When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
 
◾When chemists die, they barium.
 
◾I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
 
◾I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
 
◾Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.