You have your definitions and I have mine...

BEAUTY PARLOR
A place where women curl up and dye.

CHICKENS
The only animal you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

HANDKERCHIEF
Cold Storage.

INFLATION
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MOSQUITO
An insect that makes you like flies better.

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority.

RAISIN
A grape with a sunburn.

SECRET
A story you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW
One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

YAWN
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES
Something other people have....similar to my character lines.

OLD
I very quietly confided to my friend that I was having an Affair.
She turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"
. . . and that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!!!

Some of you living in unfree states may find this fellow interesting

We sent him to Washington to burn down democrat boondoggles and he seems to be doing his job. I say you gotta love him.

Cartoon of the day

Remarkable things

_______________________  1. The A-Frame and its floating dock, on Lake Winnipesaukee, New Hampshire   2. An origami model entitled "Assassin", created purely by folding a single square sheet.   3. The stairs on the Varosa Dam in Lamego, Portugal     4. A statue of Miao diety, Yang'asha, in Guizhou, China, that is 288 feet tall     5. A green serpentine mask uncovered at the base of a pyramid in Mexico that is 2000 years old     6. A new creative and trending hobby in Japan that involves polishing aluminum tin foil balls until they are perfectly shiny spheres   7. A statue of the largest flying animal that ever lived, the Quetzalcoatlus     8. The Australian Road Train, the world's longest truck     9. A miniature model of a motorcycle made only from popsicle sticks   10. Shadow art of a pair resting, made entirely with trash     11. A 40,000-year-old rock painting in Australia, likely one of the oldest and believed to be depicting the large flightless bird, the Genyornis     12. An aerial view of the Marina Bay Sands hotel in Singapore     13. A dress made entirely of porcelain, by artist Li Xiaofeng     14. Helmets used during the Medieval Ages designed with mustaches     15. The Quantum Sculpture, a sculpture that disappears in front of your very eyes, created by Julian Voss-Andreae   16. Comfort Town, a color-soaked apartment complex located in Kiev     17. A 190 foot tall, 1200 tonne statue of water god Guan Hu, in Jingzhou, China   18. The tip of this pencil has the entire alphabet carved into it   19. An aerial view of UNESCO World Heritage Site, La Lippe fort, in Elvas, Portugal     20. A sculpture at Burning Man, depicting every person's trapped inner child, by Aleksandr Milov

 

 

 

Observations on life...

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it."  That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
 I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
My goal for 2021 is to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I love approaching 90, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's weird being the same age as old people.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?  
Me : To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember... don't sing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A math word problem: If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Coronacoaster   :  noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
One day you're loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you're crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don't even like.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

You Have Twenty Seconds to maybe realize your perspective could be off

Something new...

Modern "care" in hospitals where friends & family are forbidden to go