If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
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I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My goal for 2021 is to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love approaching 90, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's weird being the same age as old people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Me : To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember... don't sing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A math word problem: If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coronacoaster : noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day you're loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you're crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don't even like.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My goal for 2021 is to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love approaching 90, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's weird being the same age as old people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Me : To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember... don't sing!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A math word problem: If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coronacoaster : noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day you're loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you're crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don't even like.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
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