Notice to NSA: this is humor and not meant to defame the emperor

Breaking News : 2016 Democratic Convention Schedule Leaked   11:15 AM – Free Lunch, "medical" marijuana, and bus ride to the Convention. Forms passed out for Food Stamp enrollment   2:30 PM – Group Voter Registration for Undocumented Immigrants   4:00 PM – Opening Flag Burning Ceremony – sponsored by CNN   4:05 PM – Singing of "God #$% America ", led by the Righteous Reverend Jeremiah Wright   4:10 PM – Pledge of Allegiance to Comrade Obama.   4:15 PM – Ceremonial "I Hate America" led by Michelle Obama.   4:30 PM – Tips on "How to keep your man trustworthy & true to you while you travel the world" – Hillary Clinton   4:45 PM - "How to have a successful career without ever having a job, and still avoid paying taxes!" – Al Sharpton / Jesse Jackson Seminar   5:30 PM – Hillary Clinton speaks on "Being broke and not being able to pay your mortgages" via Satellite with event attendees given autographed souvenir photographs of Hillary and Chelsea dodging Sniper Fire in Bosnia.   5:45 PM – Tribute to All 57 States – Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi   6:00 PM – General vote on praising Baltimore rioters, and on using the term "Alternative Shoppers" instead of "looters"   7:30 PM – The White House "Semantics Committee" meeting to figure out how NOT to acknowledge that Muslims are killing non-Muslims all over the world daily. Followed by general vote on now terming Muslim Terror as "Random Acts of Islamic Exuberance"   9:00 PM – "Liberal Bias in Media – How we can make it work for you" Tutorial – sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, the Washington Post and the New York Times   9:15 PM – Tribute Film to the Brave Freedom Fighters still incarcerated at GITMO – Michael Moore   9:45 PM – Personal Finance Seminar - "Businesses Don't Create Jobs" - Hillary Clinton   10:00 PM – Group Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners and Bible Readers.   10:30 PM – Ceremonial "We Surrender" Waving of the White Flag to Afghanistan, Russia and ISIS.   11:00 PM – Short film, "Setting Up Your Own Illegal Email Server While Serving in A Cabinet Post, and How to Pretend it's No Big Deal", hosted by Hillary Clinton   11:30 PM – "ISIS is not actually Islamic, Despite it's Name" seminar, led by "Sneaky Joe" Biden.   12:00 AM – Official Nomination of Hillary by Bill Maher and Chris "He sends a thrill up my leg" Matthews   12:01 AM – Hillary Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior while the Celestial Choir Sings