The Band Played On As We Died: October 2021

Monday, October 25, 2021

Observations on life...

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.
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I'm at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
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I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I missed my exit.
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My goal for 2021 is to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
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I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
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I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
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A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
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Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
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Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below freezing outside they closed school? Yeah, me neither.
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I may not be that funny or athletic or good-looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
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I love approaching 90, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
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A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I got up and searched with him.
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I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
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Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
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It's weird being the same age as old people.
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Life is like a helicopter. I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
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It's probably my age that tricks people into thinking I'm an adult.
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Marriage Counselor: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
Me : To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
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Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember... don't sing!
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A math word problem: If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?
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I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
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So if a cow doesn't produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
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Coronacoaster : noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic.
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One day you're loving your bubble, doing workouts, baking banana bread and going for long walks and the next you're crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don't even like.
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I'm at that age where my mind still thinks I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I'm sure I'm not dead yet.
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You don't realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

Monday, October 18, 2021

You Have Twenty Seconds to maybe realize your perspective could be off

Something new...

Saturday, October 16, 2021

Modern "care" in hospitals where friends & family are forbidden to go

Wednesday, October 13, 2021

Chuckles and groans

Monday, October 11, 2021

The Friday Funnies are a bit late

Thoughts for today:
Old age comes at a bad time. When you finally know everything, you start to forget everything your know.
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Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are.
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Happiness is not having what you want but appreciating what you have.
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To succeed in life you need a backbone, a wishbone and a funny bone. ~ Reba McIntire
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Brain, hair, and skin cells die constantly. But, fat cells seem to have eternal life.
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Not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.
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Your mind is a garden. Your thoughts are seeds. You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.
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And in the end, mankind used so much toilet paper that they wiped themselves out.
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How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it.
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Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you.
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I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
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A woman in labour yells, "shouldn't, wouldn't, couldn't didn't, can't." The doctor said, "Don't worry, they are just contractions."
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Lisa and Robert were sitting on the couch watching TV when suddenly Lisa hears that she got a text message on her phone that
she left in the kitchen.

She went to the kitchen to check it and it was from her hubby, Robert, saying 'While your up bring me some chips and beer'.
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A retired man now volunteers to entertain patients in assisted living homes and hospitals. He recently visited one hospital and
brought along his keyboard.

After telling jokes and singing songs at patients' bedside, he said farewell and "I hope you get better."

One elderly gentleman replied, "And I hope you get better too."
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I think that my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside.
He thinks that is the way it works?
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Selected Sayings By and About Politicians:

• We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~ Aesop
• Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. ~ Nikita Khrushchev
• When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become president. I'm beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow
• Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of government. But then I repeat myself. ~ Mark Twain
• A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. ~ Will Rogers
• I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up
by the handle. ~ Winston Churchill
• Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. ~ Doug Lawson
• I offered my opponents a deal: "If they stop telling lies about me, I will stop telling the truth about them". ~ Adlai Stevenson
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Gentlemen! Want to make your lady feel special?

Place her picture in the kitchen and write Employee of the Month.

She will love it. You can follow me for more relationship tips.
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Brent and Rhonda went out for dinner at a nice steak house. The waiter asked, "How do you like your steak sir?"

Brent replied, "Like winning an argument with my wife."

Waiter, "Rare it is then sir."